I'll Love You AFTER The 'Pockylips

 

https://www.cabinetmagazine.org/issues/55/pettman.php


https://youtube.com/shorts/1GmZC1vH5WE?si=BLQMCvkuAYAxZEn8


When I was Tesla I had options yet denied romance.




 Today as Mathew I have ALWAYS been a hopeless retard in the opposite direction, and oh the lessons I've learned. From Lael in 4th grade, to this very moment with my "The Spoiled Harem" email list of gals a regularly annoy...

I tried.

I tried to love a human directly.

I tried to love humanity.

I tried to control ("Control" = overthinking, the opposite of METACOGNITION) my emotions, but that is not healthy or useful for magic.

It was too much for you, and too much for me. 

The last person to say they loved me was the only one I believed. Sure she was 6 at the time and told to say that as a Jr. JB CBA but Pippin is soul fam so it counts.



The love had to go SOMEWHERE.

A Muse perhaps.



(Yeah, Isla is 13 so you assume I am into her for pervy reasons, no...she is funny and genuine and has yet to learn how to be an evil cunt adult woman, so right there, I think we can all agree, she is a person worthy of my attention & time.)



But a SIMP is just a troubadour without a good song.

Oh Shit! I just remembered, I DO have a song!
I actually wrote the lyrics and SUNO nailed it:


 Eh, between porn, asmr, and pocket pussy tech we have already simulated the best parts of womankind...maybe this is my mommy-issues talking but...

I tried to be stoic and it kept me from going to jail at least, except those two times it didn't 😂

I tried to be an alchemist, and THAT I succeeded at.

LOVE? 



I have enough internally. 

As for the fake narc lovebomb bs I get from evil cunt adult women or say, "family"...that is transmuted to useful and true hate/anger/wrath. It worked for Bill Hicks and it works for me.

 They say my anger is secondary and only poisoning me. Speak for yourself, mortal...



I prefer hatred from humans and invite it, as sustenance, as entertainment, because I have never actually done anything WRONG, and yet...

The thing about hate is, when someone expresses it towards me, I BELIEVE THEM. That truth is more valuable than fake "love". 

HA!

Fuck you, reality!

You can deprive me of an object of affection.

You can give my favorite cat rabies and force me to sign the paperwork to have him murdered...

...But I refuse to admit there is such a thing as an ENEMY.

I refuse to admit there is a demon that can stomach the purity of my HSP / INFJ / Empath supply. Let's say there is an Archon, or as I like to say, NARCHON as they're always fused with a narc, let's say there is one or many that for some reason developed a taste for my "High Vibe Hate" - COOL! It's a win / win. God knows I've enough to spare.

I may not be able to conjure the agape love I had when peaking on 5 grams of shrooms, like I did back in '96 for an hour, BUT...I know I did experience what it is like to be JESUS, and THAT is (my) default base reality under the years of fuckery.

YOU were too much of a PUSSY to do a heroic dose of shrooms. 

YOU defaulted to ASK YOUR DOCTOR and SPUDS McKenzie!




...I forget who it was, but back around 2003 or so I had a convo with one of the main guys in the FE / ZPE scene. He said something my gung-ho 20-something mind thought was defeatist at the time, but now I totally get, he said something like, 

"...we're not going to bother pursuing Free Energy until AFTER the Apocalypse." 

...Until then I will pray to the MOST HIGH, the MOST LOW, my Oversoul, My Spirit Team...

That every CBA / Perp / Turdburger enjoys their time tormenting me, denying me...

Because I know how this ACTUALLY WORKS - The LOOOOOOONG Game.

...Sure, I have to suffer for a little bit, learn lessons only suffering can offer...

But my enemies that get off on that...

Thank you.

You made me the most bad-ass sumbitch I will always love.

You hate yourself. You are envious of my LOVE and my RESILIENCE to fuckery.

You can gangstalk the fart from my asshole.

I will be balls-deep in a harem of supermodel / wife / mom material for eternity, breeding superhumans that will spawn entire worlds while you rot in hell with your faggot / tard buddies because you could not acknowledge GOD.




https://youtu.be/5S-tpZelsoQ?si=L_SXcb4Zjn-s4oOU




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